THE AFTER THREE DAYS

Something Strange Something Beautiful


It was very difficult to fathom showing love and gaining love especially if you were in a relationship. I and my boyfriend have been already 2 years in an upside down relationship. I said upside down not because were complicated in a sense of having a confusion of ourselves and involving other parties, but because we love each other so much that we hurt each other in return. Have you ever encountered a love like this?

It is quite funny stupid thing that our cycle goes on and goes on. Sometimes its him, then the next time it me to be blame. Al tough I know that it is very normal in every relationship to have quarrels, getting hurt and misunderstandings. Without these things relationships are boring. Like a food without its spice. You know that spice are extra zest that even if you dont much like its flavor, you still excited and continue to savor its taste. After all, love without being hurt is not love at all.

However if there was an imbalance in the nature of relationship. Like a sick cycle carousel that has more madness than laughter's..Would you better jazz up the spice and embellish its taste?



THE SPICE


Before I was like searching for a thousand reasons why he hurt me. I am not deserving for such taken for granted and a not so good treatment being her girlfriend. I did everything just to prove him how much i loved him. I show my affection eagerly and did my best. He conquer my world and he became my everything. Worst is, I can say that I loved him much more than myself. But he was selfish, unfair, arrogant and I don't even know if he still loves me. He changed. I wonder why he changed because I change for the better. I chose to change because I like to change for him. I show how much I love him. I love him more. I gave him more.

Even every fight that we face, even if I'm the one who was really hurt and not to be blame, I am the one who manage to stay modesty and humility. The more I gave, the lesser he gaves. He never ever heard anything from me. He never ever heard any demands from me. He does to speak but closes his ears for me and still he continues what he does. I've been taken for granted. Ive been wounded and injured. I already cried for so many nights. Are there a third party? Does he already fall apart? Am i the one to blame, if it is so what did I done to him to punish me like this. These are everyday questions I ask in myself.

Just for us not to have fight I always shut up, try not to speak what I want to. After all, he will not listen to me. He wouldn't even give a damn try to listen to me. Or else, I am in discreet painful experience of fucking explosion of my fuse. The sobering continues.




THE HEART HAS A MIND OF ITS OWN.


I am so tired of everything. I said to myself. This is all enough. I couldn't take it anymore. I already gave him a chance and its up to him how he will prove me that he deserves it. I try to be happy despite the pain. I try to be a fighter and be brave for myself. I continue being numb and blind but not focusing on him anymore. I back off a bit. Give myself more time and love. Give some space for our own lives especially mine. That time I was so confuse If I already found the MR. Right of my life. If its him. Sometimes i even search for a lot of reason why a beautiful start of relationship will turn in this way. I know somehow I have faults. I am not perfect, and I am not looking for him to be perfect. Somethings are missing. I miss him so much. I miss the one Ive fallen so deeply in love with. And its not him now. I try to have self-importance just like what he did to me. This is not a revenge, but trying to change our routines and deficit my attention to other things was the only thing I think to cover up my pain, be away from hurt and try to patch up some changes that is missing.



THE COMEBACK

He notice all of my changes. He was thinking alot. He was wondering why I am in this way with him. I dont take him for granted but its just that I am such a fighter now. I dont let him hurt me. I dont let myself cry over infront of him. I proved and show to him that I love myself more than he. That if all else fails in our realtionship I still love him. BUt I love myself, I believe in myself.

Again we had an arguement. He waited for me for so long and I was too late to go home. He thought of alot of reasons why im late. He mistrust, thought alot of negative things why I was late, and dont understand my explanations.

He expects a lot from me. Maybe because he was used to it that I am such an avid saint to humble down for him. He doesn't listen- I dont care. Now I dont want to speak. He doesn't want my sorry-then fine I have nothing to do with it. He thought I will try to make my very best to be forgiven by him. But he unexpectedly got it wrong this time. I mention him and told him how much unfair he was and has no rights to give me such damn things he was blaming on me. I avoid him instead of pleasing him.


We got a big fight again in his room. But I show him that I am not too afected whatever the outcome of our fight.


12:00 am (SMS) - "Sana pinandigan mu nalang sorry mo at wala k ng mga sinabi. Nagtataka talaga ako bat ganyan k katigas. Geh salamat nlng sa lht. BYE"

reply1 : "Almu wag mu sabhing nagmamatigas ako.. sino b satin ang nagmamatigas kahit n walang gnwa saknyang ksalanan. May nalalaman k pang pgppalam' Kung di mo ko kailangan, mas di kita kailangan. Di yan ang __ na minahal ko. Geh bye"

reply2: "Kahit kelan wala kang pinasok sa mundo ko, unfair ka, malsarili, tamang hinala ka palagi, wala k tiwala, bnbalewala moko, may narinig kaba sakin ha? WALA! Tanungin mu nga muna sarili mo kung minahal mo bako bilang ako, kung bat muko mahal at kung tooto. Geh pagod nako. Nkkasawa n ang ganito"


1:30 AM (sms): "____ PUNTAHAN MOKO T_T"


2:00 The fight isnt over, still he was talking... but right now as if there was some guiltness and I felt his low tone of voice like he just came from crying. He ask alot of questions. I still act like confidently not affected and stick to what I am fighting for myself.

HE
HUG ME.

Then kiss.
Something is so strange instantly, but
something like this is beautiful


Its been a few days already since he change.
He return-the one I loved.

I hope it'll continue and his changes will never change again.


LESSON I LEARNED:

"How can others love you if you dont love yourself."
"Show importance first in yourself before you gain importance in others."
"Speak up for yourself and stick to what you believe"
" I cant live without him, but without him, I can still live"

Jungle Mania (PART 2)

JUNGLE MANIA PART 2

If you havent read my 1st testimony in JUNGLE MANIA (the part 1), You better read it. Especially if you were part of this Holy Shit ecosystem. As what I remember I indicated there and I am hoping that the list of BEAST AMIDST THE JUNGLE will just be it. No more additional BEAST please! Unfortunately, roaming around and changing my biological clock part of this jungle leaves me to another ALERTNESS because I didn't expect that there are other discreet MONSTERS in this burning hell. OMG! Since I was a kid, based on the stories of either urban legends, or fantasies I heard...and even in realities BEAST, MONSTERS, BAD/EVIL SPIRITs, DEVILS, WITCHes, FIEND, LUCIFERS, IMP, GOBLINS, VAMPIRES, ALIENS, PREDATORS, etcetera, etcetera..shows up only at night. BUT since this is an UNBLESSED Jungle... It was quite a surprise and need to be expected that they also shows even if the sun shines above. Great! How marvelous it is that we cautious human are surrounded by these creatures.

Scroll down and scroll down until you gonna reach the bottom of this page.

Recall the list of these BEAST REGIME of my JUNGLE MANIA (part1).

(You'r done ayt?)

So what's new?

Here it is. First I would like to thank my lovely fellow human being that they are at least aware of this morning spell casted by the enormous tyrant creatures. I always hear their assertion about some certain matters that lead me as a writer and fellow friend/observer/victim to be inspired again as ala Dr. Jose Rizal rebellion.

1. NEVER THEY WILL ROT:

I will start first by the flick MEAN WITCHES..oh Im sorry its MEAN GIRLS NGA PLA. ahem!
Have you ever watch MEAN GIRLS starring Lindsay Lohan? Where Lindsay met and became friend with these three chicks in their school who are the so called "PLASTICS". Well it is actually one of my favorite movies. However movies like that sometimes might turn into realities, altough with diferent kind of blend, twist and scenario. In this jungle we have these fellow plastics! Its just that do not exactly know who is the QUEEN BEE. But whoever it is, she needs to check up already because her honey taste like her own sweat. EEW!ASIM!

I always wonder when does God created this man-made-synthetics. Oops! I forgot they are not human nga pla! HAHAH! I mentioned already (JUNGLE MANIA1) this syntethics but I cant blame myself to modify them once more because they're unstoppable and their population intensifies in this jungle. It is very difficult to live your life surrounding with these people. You will really never know who are them specifically because their artificial "oh-so-good-fella" to you are just frontage and it'll be like a BIG surprise to you when they unexpectedly already do their shitty things. GOddamn this people are so non-biodegardable. When they will die no bacterias will even wanted their buried cadaver.

2. CHUCHU:

(i like their so called term... i remember my dog who died because of being an avid and loyal guard of our house.)

WATCHDOG. Have you already encountered this kind of creatures. They are not detectives, and hell no rights to spy you under surveillance. Sometimes they are spying you unnoticeably. They keep an eye on you so much that when they don't see you, gosh they are like crazy to find you and even ask other people just looking for you. They are like checking all your moves. What you do, where you go, when to go.. HELL YOU GO! They driving me nuts because there's alot of reasons running on my mind why they do such act.

FIRST- be FAIR! did you ever try to see others?
SECOND- watch also for yourself
THIRD- im not under you, nor other person you tried to scrutinize
FOURTH- we are not in classroom, and i dont need to ask permission.."Maam pwede pong mag cr?" dont act like a SOMEBODY.


3. SPEAKING OF UNFAIR:

Disgusting but this speaks not just by looking at others but also looking at yourself. Let's first talk about LOOKING AT OTHERS.

There are alot of unfair people. They try to shit you and just only you. See how wretched you are if they are your victim! This actually correlates my number 2. If they got an eye on you. Bull's eye baby! You have nothing to do. Even if your not alone and the only one that must recieve their prejudice, you cant do anything for their attention on you because they are UNFAIR nga diba-BWISIT TALAGA!. They will just continue that. You see these people act like SOMEONE for those that they can do that only. Usually their targets are mostly under their age, less positioned, shorter duration in the jungle and those who doesn't even care a single amount for them. Then there they are who cares for you alot in a bullshit way. How touching! How biased!

Why try to look at for yourself first. Before you criticize, and unmerited a bigotic assertion to others and ask if you also do those things on yourself. Hello? Thank you for calling! How may Ihelp you? Have a nice day! Come on! Hahaha!

4. A GOOD LEADER IS A GOOD FOLLOWER

FUNNY MEMORANDUM
1 hour late= absent
3 days absent in a month= Byebye

why funny? This is the only jungle i known to have a stupid rules. Imagine, 1 hour late, they wouldn't allow you anymore to enter the hell. (Well as if you really want to be surrounded with these beast). And second 3 absences in a month your FIRED. (Whatever the case is) (Haller, we are already burning here physically and socially).

But since rules are rules. If you do not want it, then just go. We already signed in it. So.. okay fine. WE have nothing to do on it but just F-O-L-L-O-W.

But the thing is not about the difficulty in following this stupid rule. But the bias that exist in this orders. They chose whom they want to notice and memo whoever disobey this. Which actually the truth is, those seniors who supposedly are leaders doesn't even obey their own heck of rules. And much more they didn't give any damn thing of noticing their closed friends or those seniors.


-to be continue-

THATS IT JUNGLE POEPLE...

i am expecting now for my part 3.
Gimme more beast!
Gimme more!

NOTE: Sorry for the terms. I know I am sarcastic but this are so suitable for them. I dont care! :-)

Leaves Keep On Falling From Trees

LEAVES KEEP ON FALLING FROM TREES

It was late in the afternoon, perhaps around 5pm when I bum in the terrace of our house and just had an eargasmic listening to some slow rock music. I was alone that time..drinking hot coffee, and a puff of my cigarette with a sound trip was the best ON-MY-OWN relaxation I ever had (that I keep on doing for about 3years already). Then as I was just feel the sudden changes of the weather from extreme hotness to a cold breeze (cause its going to rain later), I felt the wind came rushing by as our curtains dances concurrently with the wind. Then I take a glimpse on the outside mango tree beside our house. It was actually owned by our neighbor. Since the day we moved in our house, that mango tree was already there. And I don't know how long it'll able to live for further more years. I remember how the typhoon Milenyo causes drastic destruction, not just in the Philippines but also in the mango tree.. who struggles, damage and injured. There's a big changes on that tree right now. It looks weak, but through its battle.. it stand still and bears its fruit. Then I realized how many times it broke its branches, how many times it bears a lovely heart-shaped fruit, that when it is too ripe it will just fell or had been got by some people who liked and admire its taste. And I also think how many leaves already fell in that tree, since the day it was born. Who will be admire for some leaves? Who will try to get some leaves? I dont think so. I dont think so that people will get its leaves.

As what I remember in my Botany subject leaves of a plant helps in Photosynthesis process which will able to bear a fruit of a plant. Leaves contain chlorophyll which is the green pigment of the leaves where also serves as its glucose. However the only thing that I think man needs from a plant leaves is the oxygen it exhales. The exchange of gasses of plants and animals which we call respiration is important for the Photosynthesis. Therfore, like us human as we need our nose and mouth to breath, indeed like the TREE LEAVES. (Dont forget that trees and plants are still LIVING THINGS)

Leaves.

LEAVES.

It falls suddenly. It just drop accidentally or just give up. It will just be gone without notice or when it will let go from its branches.. the TREE will feel the sluggish hurt of leave's goodbye. It knows it will be gone on it forever. Never to return back again. Never to be with it again. There are alot of leaves in a tree, but ONE LEAF is a big part of a tree's breath. The mango tree and even any other trees out there do not know WHY LEAVES LEAVE them?

Like sometimes in people too.

If you already experience a big loss of someone you truly loved, and you knew that they will never ever come back to you... I know you understand what Im trying to say. Especially if that person means alot to you, if that person was your breathe. And you will realized you lose a part of yourself. and IT really HURTS.

Why there are people so dear to us, leave us unexpectedly? suddenly? or if we knew that they will give up or let go or move so far away on us we really feel the hurt. We will start a big battle of being left. It is very painful because we know that these people gone in our lives will never to be seen again, never to show how much we care and love for them again. No more chances. No more waits and hopes and dreams. Every now and then I do not know how many people in the world being left felt this in every 60 seconds. Whether its a death, giving up and letting go.. it is only one thing- its all about being LEFT by the one we loved- the most painful experience a human can ever face.

BUT WE SHOULD BE LIKE A TREE... even its struggle continues, it doesn't stop to survive. Trees are still strong just like that mango tree I was looking on that time. We should moved on and be eager to go further. We should stand still and bear more victories in our lives. Breathe---cause we want to live for the future. Past is a good place to visit, but we dont want to live there. Every memories that those people who live us remain in us, all we gotta do is just cherish and treasure it. Atleast we experience to have (even for a short of time) those wonderful people. We shared our life with them and we loved them. Just imagine how billions of people here in earth are and then you met someone that is one of the greatest creature that God made. You are too lucky. We are lucky.

Right now, I do not have any guiltness on what Im doing. All matters in love I think its all RIGHT. Because its the greatest gift God gave us. The greatest feeling in the world. I realized how much I need to show how much I cared and love the people I loved. Do not take them for granted. Dont be afraid to show what you feel. Time is the only thing that understand how great love is. And since we still have time and more times to come being with the one we loved. SAY IT. SHOW IT and DO IT. Atleast even if they'll be gone (someday perhaps, we dont know.. we can never tell) we leaved them all happiness we can share. No wonder wherever they are, even if its too far away, what they will remember is every smile and laughters that we gave to them. Cause we'll never know when will God might take them away or them to be away from us. Like LEAVES KEEP ON FALLING FROM TREES.

_iamchristine_

a tribute for those who leaved...


and for the people i loved...

"Thank you for everything, I am the luckiest person in earth having all of you. And despite of my imperfections I want all of you to know how I LOVED YOU's..."