PROLONGED AGONY

"I learned that sometimes when Im angry.. I know that I have the rights to be angry, but that doesn't give me the rights to be cruel..."

Helplessly, Im starting again to feel that I am slowly dying. Its not literally and physically

Does anyone knows how it feels like when you were embracing what you are struggling for? Its difficult to pretend that everything seems alright and act like im in glee. But its harder cause I know that I cant save myself and couldn't escape in this fate.

Sometimes I ask myself why do anguish comes at the moment that you doesn't deserve it. My eyes are hungry, my hands are tired and my heart doesn't stop its bleeding. I search for a lot of reasons and I found none. I ask if its me, then its not. I couldn't figure out this entire sick cycle and my faith just tells me to give up.

3:00: an eargasmic appetite to hear the song of All Saints "Never Ever".

" A few questions that I need to know, How you could ever hurt me so. I need to know what Iv'e done wrong, and how long its been going on. Was it I never paid enough attention? Or did I not give enough affection. Not only will your answer keeps me sane, but I know never to make the same mistake again. You can tell me to my face, or even on the phone. You can write it in a letter. Either way I have to know. Did I never treat you right? Did I always start the fight? Either way, Im going out of my mind. All the answer to my questions I have to find."
----

The end is near.. or is it? Maybe one day I will just wake up realizing this nightmare is the best dream I have. If I could just bail out, If i can just do it, and If I can just go on.. "IF" and JUST" (the most easiest way, but the most difficult to be done).


"I am angrily in love.. but I dont know how to be cruel in love."

4:00:
Explain to me, what has become of us
with words release we can never take them back
For all that were worth now
Not even pleading can save us.

4:30
I dont wana wake up, feeling so close to the end....

5:00
zZZzzzz...

Jungle Mania (PART 1)

JUNGLE MANIA

I made this write up because another backstabber pissed me off this passed few days. Although that made me realize how my sick cycle carousel in this animal life chain turns out. I am not only focusing in this specific monkey backstabber, but this is all about the kind of chain I have right now dealing and surrounding with different types of individuals who have an acquired HORRIFYING BEHAVIOR!!! (take note of that!)

Its not that I'm being too judgmental, its just the things that really exist and some thoughts in my head that I wanna shout in the face of these people. Whoever you are reading my blog, I hope you read it well and try to understand. After all this is just based on my OWN perceptions, observations, and experiences that I encounter in an almost 6months of being a working girl here. So if you have any complains, comments, questions and concerns regarding this matter, kindly direct it to me straightly cause I really abhor DEVILS ON MY BACK! If you were wondering why I'm not the type of person who speak up on such things that was already big deal to me, or these following people who I never tried to talk to.. is because of this simple answer: "Im the kind of person who chose to respect those deserving, speak with persons that i only chose to speak with. I do not want to waste my saliva or even a sort of time talking with such non-sense people, not worthy to talk to, whom I don't have any concerns I need to deal with, and mostly if that someone do some shitty things on me!" But dont worry I know how to forgive, its just that I do not forget. Am I quite mean here? I guess I'm not. This is me, and Im just being justifiable based on my perception in gaining my rights to chose who I wanted to hate or love. I don't care on what you will say or what you might think as well. Just don't try to do some silly acts on me, cause you'll never know what you're gonna get especially to those DEVILS BEHIND ME!


Last November 20, 07 I felt really glad to have my very first job. Of course as a grant writer. Yes, this is here in... uhmmm... okay, I will name this company "JUNGLE" (excuse me for the term, but I think this is the suitable word to use. If you don't know this word try to look first in the dictionary and see how it really fiits.) Going back, I was kinda excited; though challenges and adjustments are things that I still need to face. Including in this adjustments are the people I need to deal with (my officemates). Ever since I was born up to the present times I have right now, I already encountered alot of people that I actually listed below. This is so common that we live everyday of our lives in this planet surrounding with these people. But things are worst when you are trying to survive in this JUNGLE FULL OF THESE BEAST. Thankful I have my friends here who makes my life enjoyable. Without them life in the JUNGLE is so MISERABLE and HELL. I didn't hate everyone I put on my HORRIFYING BEHAVIOR LIST. (Just some of them). But I need to put them bacause they are part of the ecosytem in this JUNGLE that are too dangerous and PREDATOR OF THIS CHAIN.


Please another take note: Its not that Im criticizing these people. As what I said earlier this is just based on my OWN perceptions and observations... any opinions isn't needed. I myself proclaim that i am a certified pre-madonna and a laidback girl, who just looks like "maarte and suplada" but definitely a cowgirl. But so what? atleast whatever Im doing is just all ABOUT ME. ATLEAST I DONT DO ACTS THAT WILL AFFECT OTHER PEOPLE BY HARMING, AND HURTING THEM AS WELL.

Now if you were a part of this jungle, and I will hear a complain "IF" you were one, or the one on my BEAST LIST here. Wahahahah!!! what?!! are you GUILTY? maybe at first I will just laugh at you. But somehow I will be glad that you are aware of your UNBELIEVABLE BEHAVIOR and DEPRAVING ACTS. ATLEAST.

But if you were about to ask me to tell you who are these specific people... Well, try not because I will not answer you. If you belong in this JUNGLE, you better be BEWARE and not aware in these kind of people. And as what I said earlier this is my own perception and assertion so try to find on your own. Dont ask me some stupid "who is that blah, blah, blah you put in your blog?...."


THE BEAST AMIDST THE JUNGLE

1. CORRUPT- these are the people who deviously do some fishy stuff of underhanded specifically MONEY that they didn't own or didn't dseserve. And all they gotta do is live a filthy life of being a social climber. (Ang Kapal NOh!? Oi mahiya k nmn sa blat mong BANAT na BANAT!)

2. GREEDY- Stingy, selfish, gluttonous lots of desire in everything. Actually corrupt and greedy have almost
the same criteria of psychological ashaming behavior in the society. Take note that if you were this kind of person, even if your'e still alive on earth right now, your soul already burns at hell.(7 Deadly sins, do you know that?)

3. BACKSTABBERS OR PLASTICS- They acts nice at your face but as soon as you turn your back, they will do their nasty shit on you. OMG! This is one of the most awful kind of attitude that i really abhor. You can find them everywhere. There are some who are inborn made of synthetics, so beware! The bad thing is you will never know at first that they are one of these people. So do not trust and be friend with evryone if you just have met them or doesn't know them yet. Honestly for me these two words are synonyms. The only difference is BACKSTABBERS really stab you even if they are not you friend or soon to be friend, or even nothing at all. I do not know why there are mischievous sprite everywhere. For me these people are AFRAID and COWARD because if they wana fighht someone, why at their BACK?

4. FRAUDSTER- Of course they are trying to be professional in fraud world, but this people are as silly and ridiculous as themselves. They like scam a lot. They are such phony who tries to fraud a scam! hahahahah! I do not know if I will call you idiot? stupid? or stubborn?

5. MYSTERIOUS TERRORISTAS- I am not opposing these activist people. but what I do not like in their revolutionary rebel is that they do their acts mysteriously and non-stoppingly without even a lil bit cautious on who to point-click-kill. They infect such viruses and spread all over for the pity people who silently, seriously doing best at work, while in the future they are the one's to suffer just because of this mysterious acts. If I were the person and Im mad at somebody, I will just directly aim my revenge to that specific person, and not affecting everyone. I think that's the best thing to do.

6. ATTENTION SEEKER- Loves attention anu pa nga ba? i dont know if they are out of place or they're just trying too hard to have some certain actions. If you want attention better do it in good way, not the annoying way. So that you will glad for the result of your Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Well, Im not mad at these people, they are just sometimes irritating.

7. F na F- One of the things I hate most, feeling na feeling! As in sa lahat ng bagay! but the most disgusting is FEELING SUPERIOR, FEELING ALL HE/SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING, and FEELING HEARTHROB! grabe magpagamot k na! Illusionado at Illusionada! hahaha

8. SILENT STRAW- why straw? mahilig sumipsip. hay.. this person loves to hangout, talk to the boss or his/her superior until trust will built by his/her superior. (Sometimes I ask myself why they need to waste a time like that, Dont they have any guts to achieve what they aim for without doing such thing?)

9. CRAB PULLER- People whose brain was functioning just for crab mentality. Yes these people loves to pull down other people just to beat their victims, get what they want to achieve and reach their burning peak! (Why do they need to harm other people just to satisfy their needs?) Simple: Because they are losers and trying hard (even he/ she knows well him/herself) to (pretend) that they are the BEST.

10. GOSSIP MONGER- Usually girls have this kinda attitude, but not in a jungle! hahaha!! their habits is to tattletale hearsays and rumors. Worst part of these people is that sometimes rumors they spread has an additional story from their own heck of imaginations and perceptions.

11. PAKIELEMERA- people who are more than 100% cares for you. What they do in your life is just focused on your stuff and try to ruin you. They drew to much attention on you rather than their own lives. Gosh! geta life of your own! and dont care on my mess if you dont want me to mess you up! Sometimes I thinks they are also insecures who waste their time just thinking on you and how to ruin you because they can't be you. (Believe me..inseciora are sometime plastic too..)

The list mention above are a genuine existing in this jungle. Terms I used are the suited ones for their corressponding behavior. I just hope there will be no more additional list of these beast in the jungle.

KARMA strikes times three, so if you think you were on of these pips, better be ready. GUDLUCK!Angry