The Alpha and Omega,(an unsent letter)
MAYBE when we were kids I already spent time with you...
I remember the days when the first time I met you. It was like 5 years ago when I saw a mysterious guy who looks like a bad boy, doesn’t smile too much, looks suplado, long hair, and sexy thin but well damn good at playing his guitar that making me wants him more. I didn’t know what I felt that time. I can hardly explain it. All I know is that you caught my attention easily and I’m so interested about you. You look so familiar that I don't know why at the very first glimpse I was thinking and feeling different. I was thinking if I already saw you before or probably you are just some familiar face that I knew, or perhaps you ljust ook like somone I used to know. Still unexplainable but hidden under my shirt.
It was summer. I just came from a broken hearted and well... although I’m not wishing or even expecting for a relationship to come… It still about the summer plus being single that making me liking somebody…. and I saw you… and I don’t know at that very time why I like you. I feel like you have a connection to me. I feel like we’ve seen each other before. All I know is that I want to know you more. And just right this very moment Im writing this letter for you… I now know why and what’s the reasons behind my unexplainable feelings at our first met.
As we became friends though not that close… and as days pass by that I always saw you. My unexplainable feelings just grew and grew. I knew in myself that I’m crushing you. No-it’s more than that! I like you! I mean it in my heart. Although the only person knew about this thing is ME. That’s me when I like a guy so much. I kept it in myself. I just secretly like you. I just gaze on you from a far and surely you will not notice that you caught my attention because I can’t even stare at you. I just wait for you to invite me too in your heart.
Unfortunately the thing I don’t expect. That one night that I’ll never ever forget- An explosion of my heart that won’t stop bleeding.
Remember that night you played your guitar with me in the front of our house as we hangout there? You ask me to sing a song and you will play it for me. I chose “Baby Now that I Found you” by Allison Krauss. (That until now I don’t want to hear that song.) I was so happy that time. I feel like every time I get near you, it makes me know you more and like you more. I have that spark in my heart and I was so tense, excited, thrilled and full of butterfly in my stomach that I’m kinda like conscious on myself facing and talking to you. Of course since I don’t want you to notice my gushy feelings, I acted again and be a pretender. I let you see and feel that I’m just a common friend that gosh! I can’t expect behind the fact that I’m so overthrow from your spell I still managed to sing a song. (Which you didn’t know that the song lyrics are also dedicated for you...)
After that jamming we have, I entered inside my house leaving you a bit there. Because I can’t really hide enough my feelings of so kilig factor you gimme. Then right after looking at the mirror the news just explode to me. Hearing this news that gave me a slap on my face, “___ likes your best friend!” AS I THOUGHT: (OMG!!! I wanna cry, Im about to cry…. How could it be… why she? In all the girls in the world why my best friend!!!) But after hearing that to the person who told me I acted so like surprise and just like its nothing saying… “Oh really?!... well they look great anyways…____ is a good guy so I think he’s okay to my best friend” (Saying these words makes me want to swallow them again) Because the truth is I wanna say how “I LIKE YOU<> and I’M FALLING ALREADY FOR YOU” but you like my best friend so what should I do?
If you just only knew at that time what pain you gave me. If you just only knew how much I felt shame in myself, insecure, blown off and well…. dumped. After hearing that I go out and I don’t see you there anymore. I wanted to confirm the news, and as I talk with somebody even without mentioning the topic almost all of my friends say that and even the guys. (I can’t breathe that time you know. It’s very hard to pretend that I’m not affected and hurt every time I hear what they say.) To make the things worst, it’s my best friend that he likes and WTF! My best friend likes him too. Even she doesn’t say a word. She’s my best friend and I’m a girl too. When she knew about it, I see in her how much she likes him too.
As the days pass… you always go to her house. I always so the two of you talking… You were courting her already and she seems to like you so much. I am expecting for the possibilities of seeing you two happy. My best friend even says to me what are your texts to her, what you say to her. (I thought again: DAMN IT! I hate this feeling! How I wish I didn’t met you.. I didn’t talk to you…and I didn’t like you. I just came from hurt and now I’m here again at the worst situation.) The only good thing that I can say is that nobody knows that at those times. I have a feeling for you…
I know it’s hard to say this thing to you. It’s hard to tell you about this past. Even if I will tell you honestly about this now, I think it’s a good thing that my mysterious love for you in the past that lingers on to me now… is STILL UNREVEALED.
It was summer. I just came from a broken hearted and well... although I’m not wishing or even expecting for a relationship to come… It still about the summer plus being single that making me liking somebody…. and I saw you… and I don’t know at that very time why I like you. I feel like you have a connection to me. I feel like we’ve seen each other before. All I know is that I want to know you more. And just right this very moment Im writing this letter for you… I now know why and what’s the reasons behind my unexplainable feelings at our first met.
As we became friends though not that close… and as days pass by that I always saw you. My unexplainable feelings just grew and grew. I knew in myself that I’m crushing you. No-it’s more than that! I like you! I mean it in my heart. Although the only person knew about this thing is ME. That’s me when I like a guy so much. I kept it in myself. I just secretly like you. I just gaze on you from a far and surely you will not notice that you caught my attention because I can’t even stare at you. I just wait for you to invite me too in your heart.
Unfortunately the thing I don’t expect. That one night that I’ll never ever forget- An explosion of my heart that won’t stop bleeding.
Remember that night you played your guitar with me in the front of our house as we hangout there? You ask me to sing a song and you will play it for me. I chose “Baby Now that I Found you” by Allison Krauss. (That until now I don’t want to hear that song.) I was so happy that time. I feel like every time I get near you, it makes me know you more and like you more. I have that spark in my heart and I was so tense, excited, thrilled and full of butterfly in my stomach that I’m kinda like conscious on myself facing and talking to you. Of course since I don’t want you to notice my gushy feelings, I acted again and be a pretender. I let you see and feel that I’m just a common friend that gosh! I can’t expect behind the fact that I’m so overthrow from your spell I still managed to sing a song. (Which you didn’t know that the song lyrics are also dedicated for you...)
After that jamming we have, I entered inside my house leaving you a bit there. Because I can’t really hide enough my feelings of so kilig factor you gimme. Then right after looking at the mirror the news just explode to me. Hearing this news that gave me a slap on my face, “___ likes your best friend!” AS I THOUGHT: (OMG!!! I wanna cry, Im about to cry…. How could it be… why she? In all the girls in the world why my best friend!!!) But after hearing that to the person who told me I acted so like surprise and just like its nothing saying… “Oh really?!... well they look great anyways…____ is a good guy so I think he’s okay to my best friend” (Saying these words makes me want to swallow them again) Because the truth is I wanna say how “I LIKE YOU<> and I’M FALLING ALREADY FOR YOU” but you like my best friend so what should I do?
If you just only knew at that time what pain you gave me. If you just only knew how much I felt shame in myself, insecure, blown off and well…. dumped. After hearing that I go out and I don’t see you there anymore. I wanted to confirm the news, and as I talk with somebody even without mentioning the topic almost all of my friends say that and even the guys. (I can’t breathe that time you know. It’s very hard to pretend that I’m not affected and hurt every time I hear what they say.) To make the things worst, it’s my best friend that he likes and WTF! My best friend likes him too. Even she doesn’t say a word. She’s my best friend and I’m a girl too. When she knew about it, I see in her how much she likes him too.
As the days pass… you always go to her house. I always so the two of you talking… You were courting her already and she seems to like you so much. I am expecting for the possibilities of seeing you two happy. My best friend even says to me what are your texts to her, what you say to her. (I thought again: DAMN IT! I hate this feeling! How I wish I didn’t met you.. I didn’t talk to you…and I didn’t like you. I just came from hurt and now I’m here again at the worst situation.) The only good thing that I can say is that nobody knows that at those times. I have a feeling for you…
I know it’s hard to say this thing to you. It’s hard to tell you about this past. Even if I will tell you honestly about this now, I think it’s a good thing that my mysterious love for you in the past that lingers on to me now… is STILL UNREVEALED.
i get hurt...
but (ssshhhh....)
^_^
^_^
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