THE AFTER THREE DAYS

Something Strange Something Beautiful


It was very difficult to fathom showing love and gaining love especially if you were in a relationship. I and my boyfriend have been already 2 years in an upside down relationship. I said upside down not because were complicated in a sense of having a confusion of ourselves and involving other parties, but because we love each other so much that we hurt each other in return. Have you ever encountered a love like this?

It is quite funny stupid thing that our cycle goes on and goes on. Sometimes its him, then the next time it me to be blame. Al tough I know that it is very normal in every relationship to have quarrels, getting hurt and misunderstandings. Without these things relationships are boring. Like a food without its spice. You know that spice are extra zest that even if you dont much like its flavor, you still excited and continue to savor its taste. After all, love without being hurt is not love at all.

However if there was an imbalance in the nature of relationship. Like a sick cycle carousel that has more madness than laughter's..Would you better jazz up the spice and embellish its taste?



THE SPICE


Before I was like searching for a thousand reasons why he hurt me. I am not deserving for such taken for granted and a not so good treatment being her girlfriend. I did everything just to prove him how much i loved him. I show my affection eagerly and did my best. He conquer my world and he became my everything. Worst is, I can say that I loved him much more than myself. But he was selfish, unfair, arrogant and I don't even know if he still loves me. He changed. I wonder why he changed because I change for the better. I chose to change because I like to change for him. I show how much I love him. I love him more. I gave him more.

Even every fight that we face, even if I'm the one who was really hurt and not to be blame, I am the one who manage to stay modesty and humility. The more I gave, the lesser he gaves. He never ever heard anything from me. He never ever heard any demands from me. He does to speak but closes his ears for me and still he continues what he does. I've been taken for granted. Ive been wounded and injured. I already cried for so many nights. Are there a third party? Does he already fall apart? Am i the one to blame, if it is so what did I done to him to punish me like this. These are everyday questions I ask in myself.

Just for us not to have fight I always shut up, try not to speak what I want to. After all, he will not listen to me. He wouldn't even give a damn try to listen to me. Or else, I am in discreet painful experience of fucking explosion of my fuse. The sobering continues.




THE HEART HAS A MIND OF ITS OWN.


I am so tired of everything. I said to myself. This is all enough. I couldn't take it anymore. I already gave him a chance and its up to him how he will prove me that he deserves it. I try to be happy despite the pain. I try to be a fighter and be brave for myself. I continue being numb and blind but not focusing on him anymore. I back off a bit. Give myself more time and love. Give some space for our own lives especially mine. That time I was so confuse If I already found the MR. Right of my life. If its him. Sometimes i even search for a lot of reason why a beautiful start of relationship will turn in this way. I know somehow I have faults. I am not perfect, and I am not looking for him to be perfect. Somethings are missing. I miss him so much. I miss the one Ive fallen so deeply in love with. And its not him now. I try to have self-importance just like what he did to me. This is not a revenge, but trying to change our routines and deficit my attention to other things was the only thing I think to cover up my pain, be away from hurt and try to patch up some changes that is missing.



THE COMEBACK

He notice all of my changes. He was thinking alot. He was wondering why I am in this way with him. I dont take him for granted but its just that I am such a fighter now. I dont let him hurt me. I dont let myself cry over infront of him. I proved and show to him that I love myself more than he. That if all else fails in our realtionship I still love him. BUt I love myself, I believe in myself.

Again we had an arguement. He waited for me for so long and I was too late to go home. He thought of alot of reasons why im late. He mistrust, thought alot of negative things why I was late, and dont understand my explanations.

He expects a lot from me. Maybe because he was used to it that I am such an avid saint to humble down for him. He doesn't listen- I dont care. Now I dont want to speak. He doesn't want my sorry-then fine I have nothing to do with it. He thought I will try to make my very best to be forgiven by him. But he unexpectedly got it wrong this time. I mention him and told him how much unfair he was and has no rights to give me such damn things he was blaming on me. I avoid him instead of pleasing him.


We got a big fight again in his room. But I show him that I am not too afected whatever the outcome of our fight.


12:00 am (SMS) - "Sana pinandigan mu nalang sorry mo at wala k ng mga sinabi. Nagtataka talaga ako bat ganyan k katigas. Geh salamat nlng sa lht. BYE"

reply1 : "Almu wag mu sabhing nagmamatigas ako.. sino b satin ang nagmamatigas kahit n walang gnwa saknyang ksalanan. May nalalaman k pang pgppalam' Kung di mo ko kailangan, mas di kita kailangan. Di yan ang __ na minahal ko. Geh bye"

reply2: "Kahit kelan wala kang pinasok sa mundo ko, unfair ka, malsarili, tamang hinala ka palagi, wala k tiwala, bnbalewala moko, may narinig kaba sakin ha? WALA! Tanungin mu nga muna sarili mo kung minahal mo bako bilang ako, kung bat muko mahal at kung tooto. Geh pagod nako. Nkkasawa n ang ganito"


1:30 AM (sms): "____ PUNTAHAN MOKO T_T"


2:00 The fight isnt over, still he was talking... but right now as if there was some guiltness and I felt his low tone of voice like he just came from crying. He ask alot of questions. I still act like confidently not affected and stick to what I am fighting for myself.

HE
HUG ME.

Then kiss.
Something is so strange instantly, but
something like this is beautiful


Its been a few days already since he change.
He return-the one I loved.

I hope it'll continue and his changes will never change again.


LESSON I LEARNED:

"How can others love you if you dont love yourself."
"Show importance first in yourself before you gain importance in others."
"Speak up for yourself and stick to what you believe"
" I cant live without him, but without him, I can still live"