PROLONGED AGONY

"I learned that sometimes when Im angry.. I know that I have the rights to be angry, but that doesn't give me the rights to be cruel..."

Helplessly, Im starting again to feel that I am slowly dying. Its not literally and physically

Does anyone knows how it feels like when you were embracing what you are struggling for? Its difficult to pretend that everything seems alright and act like im in glee. But its harder cause I know that I cant save myself and couldn't escape in this fate.

Sometimes I ask myself why do anguish comes at the moment that you doesn't deserve it. My eyes are hungry, my hands are tired and my heart doesn't stop its bleeding. I search for a lot of reasons and I found none. I ask if its me, then its not. I couldn't figure out this entire sick cycle and my faith just tells me to give up.

3:00: an eargasmic appetite to hear the song of All Saints "Never Ever".

" A few questions that I need to know, How you could ever hurt me so. I need to know what Iv'e done wrong, and how long its been going on. Was it I never paid enough attention? Or did I not give enough affection. Not only will your answer keeps me sane, but I know never to make the same mistake again. You can tell me to my face, or even on the phone. You can write it in a letter. Either way I have to know. Did I never treat you right? Did I always start the fight? Either way, Im going out of my mind. All the answer to my questions I have to find."
----

The end is near.. or is it? Maybe one day I will just wake up realizing this nightmare is the best dream I have. If I could just bail out, If i can just do it, and If I can just go on.. "IF" and JUST" (the most easiest way, but the most difficult to be done).


"I am angrily in love.. but I dont know how to be cruel in love."

4:00:
Explain to me, what has become of us
with words release we can never take them back
For all that were worth now
Not even pleading can save us.

4:30
I dont wana wake up, feeling so close to the end....

5:00
zZZzzzz...